I get asked a lot about my hair. Its my signature. It’s one of the few things I like about myself consistently. It is the epitome of my self expression. It is the one thing in my life I have complete control over.
People ask me constantly who “does” my hair. The simple answer is me. I used to think it was because I was frugal and kind of lazy. But the honest truth is, it is all about control. I control the outcome. If it sucks, it’s on me. If it’s awesome, it’s on me. In the midst of panic, anxiety, depression and everything else I feel completely helpless over, I am always looking for something I can control, something that is healthy.
For me that’s hair. I’ve been coloring my own hair for as long as I can remember and I’ve been cutting my own hair on and off for 10 years and exclusively for about 4. There is something so freeing about slathering smelly goop all over your head and waiting for the final outcome.
My hair has been every color of the rainbow. I love how I feel, I love when little kids look at it wide eyed and ask me if they can touch it, I secretly love the judgmental looks of middle aged women who think I’m too old for purple hair. I love the elderly ladies who come into my office to show me the streaks of color their granddaughters put in for them because they loved how mine looked. Its amazing how something so simple gives me a purpose.
The one thing that confuses me, though, is when people tell me I’m so brave for wearing my hair the way I do. What is brave about self expression? Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what most of these people are trying to say. I wish we lived in a world where confidence in oneself isn’t brave, its normal. Where finding a healthy form of self care isn’t seen as a courageous step, it’s just what we do.
When you feel out of control, when those feelings of harm and hopelessness try to take you over, find your safe and healthy thing you can control. Find the one thing that makes you feel calm. For me it’s my hair. For some its baking, meditation or yoga, painting, sewing, or gardening. I encourage you to find something that makes you feel in control of your life.
Shine your light. Fly your flag.
Anxious Oracle 