Down 4# and a lot of tears at Weight Watchers this week. Our leader asked where I was for a few weeks and I was finally honest. One week was my birthday, one was a holiday, but the others were missed because I had a major mental/emotional break down and couldn’t function.

I hate myself, I hate how I look, self loathing is my baseline. I’m not in a good place. But I’m working out. I’m taking my meds. I’m back to meetings. She requested that by the end of the meeting she wanted me to think of 3 things I like about myself. It didn’t have to be big, life changing things. Just something.

It was difficult, not impossible. This challenge can be gut wrenching. I am not nice to myself. I am ALWAYS my own worst enemy, no bully could come close to saying things as hurtful as I say to myself. The idea of having to say something nice was so foreign to me. Why? Self love should be simple. I should be my own best friend. But my brain cant quite grasp the idea. Kindness and compassion towards others comes so easily. Why can’t I complete this basic task for the one person in my life that needs it most?

I challenge you all to think about this today too. Share if you want. Just know there is always something good.

Here are my 3.

1. I am very good at making others feel better, seen, and/or heard.

2. I have great hair.

3. I am a wealth of semi useless knowledge that always comes in handy in weird situations.

Thanks for joining me. This is an experiment in healing and self discovery. I have been looking for ways to augment my mental health journey in a safe and expressive way.

I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It took me nearly 35 years to be able to put a voice to the darkness that lives eternally inside me. By giving it voice, I have finally started a journey towards healing.

I know I will never be cured, but maybe I can make life a little more liveable.

Hugs,

Nicole

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton